It’s too easy as pastor’s wives to isolate ourselves. We do it to protect our husband’s reputations. We do it to avoid saying something we shouldn’t. (Or maybe we should say it but we are too afraid to.)
Years ago I was a Mary Kay consultant and I was giving a pastor’s wife a makeover. Her husband, a well-known and prominent pastor in their community, walked into the room and called her a Jezebel.
I could tell by the look on her face that she was afraid.
I didn’t make a sale that day, and I didn’t care. My heart went out to this pastor’s wife who was quiet as a mouse and who said nary a word about anything. The man scared me, and I was just glad to be out of that house.
Weeks later, this man made the news for keying the car of a woman he was attracted to.
Be sure your sins will find you out.
One way or another, if there is trouble in our homes, sooner or later it will be found out. Isolating ourselves isn’t the solution. We need to shine light into the dark corners of our lives in the parsonage by exposing ourselves to others in wise and thoughtful ways. If we can’t find friends in the church, we’ve got to reach outside our own churches and find them.
Mary Winnkler, isolated and trying desperately to live the perfect Pastor’s Wife lifestyle, couldn’t take it anymore. She shot her husband Matthew for reasons only she knows in her heart. According to legal records, she just wanted Matthew to listen to her for a change and the gun went off accidentally. Mary will answer to God for what she has done. But why did it get so far that she felt the need to do such a thing?
I hate to admit it, but I identified with her despair. I know what it’s like to feel alone, isolated, afraid, lonely and invisible. Who do we talk to? Well, yes, we talk to Jesus, but who on this earth is there for us to turn to? Who can we trust with our secrets?
The Internet has been a blessing for me as a pastor’s wife. With the many moves in our ministry, it has helped me make friend with people who were my friends no matter where I moved.
My new hobby of riding a motorcycle and meeting people who don’t know I’m a pastor’s wife has also been very good for me. It gives me a chance to be a light for Jesus without a title. It gives me a whole different perspective on the world. It helps me see there is life outside of the church bubble we tend to snuggle up in. (It also gives me a whole other group of people who would notice I am missing should my husband try to hide me in the freezer for three years! See the above link!)
Sure, we need to run to God with our troubles. And I am certainly not saying we need to air our dirty laundry for the world to see. But if someone in our family is hurting us physically or emotionally, we need to tell someone. Our lives are just as important as our husband’s lives. And we are failing to help him be all he can be if we allow him to act in a dishonorable way with no consequences.
We don’t do our families any favors by prentending everything is “perfectly fine.” No home is perfect. No family is perfect. And for us to put on that facade not only puts too much pressure on our families, it causes our brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble because they can’t figure out why they can’t reach that same state of perfection.
No, instead, be yourself, warts and all. And if your husband is hurting you or your children — get help. Right now. You won’t go to hell, I promise. Find the phone number of the nearest Domestic Abuse hotline, or contact another friend in the ministry to help you.
Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken indarkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops. Luke 12:3
The more I read about this guy, and listen to his later broadcasts on his opinions of autism and the drugs used by some kids with autism, the more furious I get. He hasn’t apologized to me. He has, instead, justified his heinous words against me and my sons. And yes, I take it personally, because the things he has said just validate the ignorance of those segments of society who have no clue what it’s like rearing children with disabilities. People base what they believe too often on their experiences instead of the facts. That’s wrong.
Nobody can know everything, Michael Savage. Not even you.
I challenge Savage to come live with my twin boys with severe aggressive behaviors without the medication that he touts as poison. I am thankful every single day for the medication that we give the boys. It gave them their life back. They are no longer zombies sitting and rocking and banging their heads and hurting others. They are two of the fortunate ones. Many kids with autism never respond positively to medication.
Savage might think he’s doing a lot of kids a favor, but he is doing it at the price of hurting a lot of other kids who really, really needs these drugs.
He and his friend, Doctor Breggin need to come live with some of these kids before they paint with such broad brushes.
Walk a mile in my flip flops before you start sitting in your ivory tower judging me and the doctors who are trying to help these kids. I fought long and hard to get my boys where they are today. (See my blog at http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/KarlaKAkins/563970/) And it makes me angry to think that what Savage says can take us all back to the dark ages where medication and helping these kids are concerned.
HELLO? Where does he think these kids would be if it weren’t for the medication that helps children affected by this evil disorder function? I thought we had evolved as a society to believe that people with disabilities deserve to be home with their families — not locked up in asylums. Medication is a small part of the picture that helps some of these children be in a family.
My boys are their REAL selves when they take their medicines. They can’t be themselves without it. Again, I am thankful, so thankful, for the medicine that allows my boys to live a regular kind of life. I’m not sure where they might be without it.
Savage and Breggin have no clue what it’s like to live with kids like this. They have no idea the pain and tears and struggle we go through just to survive another day. How dare they presume to know what it’s like. If they really did know what it’s like they wouldn’t be so wickedly harsh and judgmental.
Come live with me, Savage and Breggin, and tell me my boys don’t need medication. Come fix up my home with it’s damaged walls and floors and stained carpets and tell me they just need more discipline from their father.
My husband is the most loving father I know. They adore their Daddy. And he is no pushover, let me tell you. And he is THERE. I mean, he is really THERE for them. If it were as easy as telling them to “stop being a putz” trust me, we would have done that long ago.
My children aren’t putzes. They have a disability. They are people. They are individuals. They are people first. And for Savage and Breggin to just lump them into a pile and trample on their integrity really, really, makes me mad.
What Savage has done is to harm a lot of kids who need help, not criticism. And it’s unconscionable. I don’t see how he lives with himself. I guess he has just gotten used to his own stench.